49 - Checking Out

Drew shares about his upcoming hiatus.

Visit www.andrewjassini.com to learn more about Drew.

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Hello and welcome to Soulful. All right. Hello again. Welcome back. My name is Drew, and this is Soulful. And this is the second episode of this late summer double feature, which I'm calling Checking Out, which complements the last episode, which was Checking In. Yeah, and so if you want to hear about my recent adventures through Europe and the Mediterranean and Africa, that is in the last episode. But for this one, I'm going to share a little bit about the coming hiatus, which will begin officially at the end of recording this episode, which I am looking forward to because I find myself in a season of shedding and letting go. Yeah. And so it'll be nice to relieve myself of the obligation, the duty that's just floating. Apparently, the podcast has now become a floater. But yeah, no, it's just always in the back of my head, you know, that uh, you know, record, record. And so it's nice when I give myself permission to just let that go. And so that's what this episode will be. Yeah, I guess maybe it might be a little bit of me sharing my experience and reflecting on my experience and also giving myself permission to take a break. Which, yes, I know, I just took a break. But that was not a planned hiatus. Yeah, as I shared in the last episode. Um, yeah, I really wanted to like officially or formally close the unofficial second season of Soulful back in March or April when I was still in Pai del Carmen, but it just never happened. And then also I spent one morning attempting to record this kind of conclusion, concluding finale content. Um, when I was on Crete. Yeah. Which was, yeah. I was sitting out on the balcony and you had the whole ocean out in front, and yeah, the Mediterranean mist in the air. But you also had very loud uh Greek ladies and uh, you know, just like the soundscape of of the town and the shore there, or the it's not a shore, the beach, yeah, whatever it is in Crete. In Jersey, it's a shore, but I don't know what they call it in Crete, but uh yeah, I tried to do uh like a closing episode or a check-in episode there, but it just didn't happen. And really, I mean that's part of why I'm looking forward to not having to record for a little while, is because recording itself has become such a like a chore. It's become really hard to sit down and share honestly. Um I think for a variety of reasons. You know, like I always enjoy the ability to share honestly and think out loud and feel like people are listening and enjoying it. Um but yeah, I guess there's like a combination of things that have just made it more and more difficult for me when I sit down to record. Like I get in my head quicker. There's more of a like a perfectionist critical kind of energy that shows up. And so, you know, it's not fun to spend two hours re-recording an episode, you know, sometimes re-recording the first five minutes of an episode um over and over again, and uh yeah, it just doesn't feel right for whatever reason. So, yeah. So we're gonna let it go. We're gonna let the podcast go here for an indefinite hiatus, and uh, I'll be back whenever I'm back. If I'm back. I feel like if I decide I'm definitely not coming back, I'll come back and share that. But uh, you know, for now, just letting it go fully and uh and whatever it's gonna be in the future, you know, we'll leave that up to whatever future version of Drew. Um, yeah, whatever he decides. But for now, just not fighting the the friction that I feel. Yeah. And I mean, I think some of it is like, or at least the way I'm currently understanding it, is there's a lot of astrological energy that uh yeah, is is essentially like pointing me inward or encouraging me to let go of stuff and come back to myself. Yeah. Definitely a season of shedding that's happening. And so when I'm you know in a season of transformation and everything's up and down and sideways, and you know, you know how it gets when you're in the cooker. Um it's nice to let go of responsibilities, you know, so that the energy can just be for myself in this moment in this chapter. And so that's what I'm gonna do. Yeah, because I mean it feels like there's a changing in how I'm gonna show up as well. Like it's been, you know, it's been quite the journey from person in long-term recovery into mental health professional, into uh licensed counselor, into letting go of the letters, into whatever the heck I've been for the last five or six years, you know, a guide, teacher, whatever. Um the new word that keeps popping up is advisor. Um because I feel like it's generic enough to where I don't need to explain myself. Or like, yeah, advisor feels generic enough to gloss over so that it's not a it's not like an obstacle or a hurdle. It's more like, oh, okay, Drew's an advisor. Well, what's he about? What does he advise? Right? So then you get to that, like the actual chops that I have and the work that I do with folks, rather than yeah, me getting hung up on what the heck am I called? Like, what is my title? And that title having like so much meaning to me. Because it turns out, like, that's just me getting in my own way, which yeah, I tend to do from time to time. So yeah, it feels like there's there's a season of change that is underway, and so trying to uh carry the the podcast as a live podcast through this, yeah, doesn't seem aligned. So yeah, so we're gonna let it go, which feels good. As much as I love to show up and share and feel like people are listening, and you know, as much as I love some attention, yeah. I don't know. I mean, maybe that's part of what's being shed too, is I don't need the attention as much anymore. Which, you know, there there's a definite parallel between self-acceptance and then seeking the acceptance of others. And so for most of my life, I have sought acceptance through other people while having very little acceptance for myself. But the the whole journey, you know, the last 20 years of active recovery and healing and learning and growth has been uh yeah, has been a pretty cool, not linear, but a continual, you know, journey in the direction of having more self-acceptance, right? And requiring less attention, approval, validation from the outside. And uh yeah, when I started podcasting in 2018, 19? 18, I think. Yeah, back when I hit the road with the RV for the drive about so eight years ago. Yeah, when I first started, yeah, there's a lot more like look at me. Look at me. I think I know stuff energy going on. And I'd say eight years later now. Yeah, there's just more self-acceptance and less of a need to get other folks to think I'm cool or think I know what I'm talking about, or believe me, or yeah. Yeah, I am what I am, and I don't really know what it is, but and it keeps evolving, but uh yeah, but whatever this is, you know, there seems to be more acceptance with it, which is cool. And also, I've come to an understanding as far as how I show up in service with other folks. Um, yeah, I think for a while there was a lot of energy that I invested in promoting myself, advertising, trying to appear as a something, right? Which is just classic advertising, marketing kind of energy, um, which also aligns nicely with, hey, you know, give me acceptance, give me validation. So I think there's a lot of energy there for a while, trying to portray myself as something so that I could, yeah, be successful, get clients, make money, you know, like the business aspect of stuff. But as I've come to a deeper acceptance or a deeper understanding of myself and how I show up with folks, you know, there's a realization that like this is not really a business. Um you know, like I provide a certain kind of presence or attention or perspective for folks who uh you know happen to be in a certain season of their life. And trying to like promote that or market that to people, like trying to get clients, it's just it never felt right. But I thought it was what I was supposed to do, and uh, you know, and like the whole coaching world, yeah, it's all about like client acquisition and I don't know. There's just something about it that always felt gross, but more recently there there's become an acceptance and an understanding that like I am for some people at some times, and uh, and also the way that people usually come to me isn't through some fancy social media post, it's almost always through somebody that's worked with me talking about the work, right? Like someone who's come and hung out with me, right? Like we've done some work, and then they go live their life, and they're an example, and they talk about some stuff, and somebody else sees that is like, oh, you're shiny. How did that happen? And uh, you know, and then they can point back to me as you know, being a part of that process. So understanding that, yeah, I'm much more like a referral word of mouth uh kind of person, you know, like I'm a guy that people have, you know, like if somebody's going through like a crisis moment or you know, a big situation that they need like perspective on, or you know, or maybe they're just kind of lost and don't know how or why, you know, like I'm a guy for that. And uh, and me trying to win the YouTube, Instagram contest for best content is uh it's just not really compatible. Yeah, like there's uh oh, there was a joke that Chappelle did in one of his recent stand-ups about like the internet is for like negative people, and uh, and I don't know. I mean, you know, he's just doing comedy with has a little bit of truth to it, but yeah, I feel like I've never been willing to do some of the more um I don't know, I would say it's like a lower vibe kind of manipulative thing uh with social media content or put myself out there, you know, and so as a result, like I don't intentionally hit people's like pain spots or you know, whatever the the philosophy says. And so it makes me a really poor yeah, social media energy, you know, I don't know, and so like maybe I just accept that and like stop investing so much of myself in creating content and you know being visible and being seen, you know, like maybe the coolest move for me is actually to step back and become less visible, and uh yeah, and uh that feels better in my system, like yeah, like I relax when I think about that approach. Like trying to be posting regularly on multiple platforms and recording content and recording content according to a certain script or a certain oh my gosh, it's like I just fucking don't enjoy it. I mean, I like to hear myself talk, but you know, all the rest of that stuff, like intentionally manipulative, salesy attention seeking, grabbing, holding, yeah, just not my jam. And so maybe, yeah, with this hiatus that I'm gonna take, which is gonna be from the podcast, but also from social media as well. I think that uh I'm definitely not gonna be posting stuff. I don't know if I'm gonna delete accounts, but I might like hide them or I don't even know what the option. There's some option between like being active or or deleting, you know, where you kind of just suspend it or whatever. Maybe I'll do that. But essentially just a giant step back, a giant recall of my energy from some of the ways I've been investing it so that it can be redistributed within my own being, within my own presence, you know, and uh and potentially, you know, in new ways that are cooler and more aligned with what feels good for me and how I want to move. Yeah. So taking a step back, taking a hiatus, not gone though. Like I might disappear or I might lower my visibility or uh yeah, reduce the noise that I'm making, but I'm around. I am what I am. I will be available to support and guide folks in in the ways that I do. Yeah, whether it's you know a single conversation and some pointing or you know, a few weeks or a few months worth of concentrated work. Yeah. And I'm excited to see how the energy will get redistributed. You know, like if I'm not pouring myself into a checklist of social media stuff that feels like I'm peeing into the wind and you know, pushing a boulder up a hill, you know, like when all that energy comes back for me to then invest differently in ways that feel more aligned for me now. Um yeah, I'm excited to see how that manifests and how that shows up. So yep. Cool. Yeah, because I mean, like, I don't want to just like disappear and not say anything. I don't want to ghost anybody, yeah. But I also don't want to continue to do things that have felt heavier and heavier, and uh yeah, don't really have a return on investment. Because I think over like a decade of trying to be uh, you know, internet superstar and conquer the interwebs, I think I've gotten like two folks to come work together. Um, and one of them I know already knew me. It was just like a post on LinkedIn that like reminded them that I existed. So, yeah. So the return on investment hasn't been great. So I'm gonna stop investing. Especially because social media has just become such noise. Like, I mean, I scroll too much, especially now being back in in Jersey. Yeah, I'm back into you know, some habits that aren't my highest expression, but I'm also trying to have some acceptance with them. So spending too much time on the phone scrolling, it's just like the same noise over and over again. Yeah. Like I feel like, yeah, like I've ruined the fun that is social media in the way that you know an addict tends to ruin any kind of fun. Yeah. Like I've gotten to the end of the internet and it's not a pot of gold. Um, so I'm kind of over it. Yeah, and I'm having fantasies and daydreams of a piece of land or a property, you know, but just being in the woods and offline and yeah, hanging out with trees instead of you know, scrolling through a million short videos or reels or whatever. Yeah. Trees over reels. That's where that's where I'm headed. That's where I want to head. So yeah, I feel like that's the main gist of it. So taking a hiatus from the podcast, also from showing up on the social medias, which brings a little bit of fear as far as like, oh, how are people gonna know I exist? And yeah, how will I make money? And you know, like all the capitalist, well-programmed American, you know, bullshit. Uh but like the relief that it is already available just at the idea of letting it go, easily outweighs the the fear. And also there's like a deeper kind of trust that like folks will find me when and if they need to, and uh, you know, and I'll be able to show up and be in service in whatever ways I'm supposed to be. You know, like I don't have to try to manipulate the thing as much, yeah, which is always cool, you know, to let go of the manipulation, which is which is fear, right? Like rooted in fear and trust more. Right, like manipulate less, trust more, let life work and do its thing and unfold, you know, in its own magical way. And remembering that, yeah, I'm just part of life, just a drop in the ocean. Not as important as I like to think, and don't need to be insta famous to, you know, have impact. Yeah. Which feels really nice. So if you don't hear from me for a while, that's what's happening. But I will remain available, you know, if folks want to reach out through the website, it'll be the best move. Or uh, or who knows, maybe I'll get rid of the website too. At which point, yeah, it'll just be the email address. So yeah, I'll be around and available if you need me, if you want to reach out, if you want to connect. But otherwise, going into a season of Shedding, letting go, and returning to myself. And uh yeah, excited for what that'll bring. So I think that's it. I don't have to yeah, babble on too much more here. I've done what I wanted to do as far as checking in, giving you all recent adventures, and uh giving you a little bit of a yeah, a little bit of a take on where I'm at and the hiatus that's coming. So I'm good, man. We're gonna let this whole thing go. And it really is cool to uh yeah to be willing to lean into the trust that in letting go of some things space is created, and in that space that's where new cool stuff blossoms. And there's no room for something new or cool if we're still holding on to everything that we've had. So that's what we're gonna do. We're gonna let go, lean in, trust the universe, and see what kind of magic unfolds. Cool, man. Yeah. So it feels like this is a good spot to shut it down. So I will. As always, thank you for your love and support with yeah, anything and everything that I do. Yeah, some of y'all are really, really awesome and really appreciate the messages and the little notes here and there. Reminds me that I'm not talking to myself. Which I mean, we sort of always are talking to ourselves when we think about how you know we're all part of one thing, but anywho, yeah. It's nice when I believe that I'm the Drew guy, that there are other humans who are hearing and listening and relating and uh and appreciating. So thank y'all for for that. And uh, yeah. Until next time, whenever that might be, be gentle with yourself, have some grace for yourself, for the folks around you, because we all deserve it. And with uh with the world being pretty drunk these days, you know, a little bit of grace, a little bit of compassion goes a long way. So and when we can give it to ourselves, it's a lot easier to give it to others, you know. But sometimes we gotta learn how to give it to others in order to be able to give it to ourselves. So, however, you might be finding more grace, more compassion, beautiful. Try both, you know, be more gentle with yourself and other people, cover your bases. Alright, that's it. Oh, there's a little bit of sadness here now. Because I do enjoy this opportunity to share, honestly. Yeah, but I don't know. It'll still be available. Y'all just gotta come to me now. You gotta come find me if you want. All right. Love y'all very much. Be gentle with yourselves, and I will see you at some point a little further down the road. Love y'all.